im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
