yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
