i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
