I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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