That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
