Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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