Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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