dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
