he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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