I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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