life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
