You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
