they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
