How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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