i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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