I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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