I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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