what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
