I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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