is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i think my cat just said my name.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
