sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
