he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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