My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
