Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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