I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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