Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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