I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
