proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
