I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
