i was born a porn star she said
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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