I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
