I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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