I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
