They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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