all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
