very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
