I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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