if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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