I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
