all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
