you would pick up someone in the library
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
