Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
