i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's official drugs can't kill me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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