8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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