i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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