Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
