We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
