its not stalking. its research.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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