I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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