Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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