I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
