I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
