im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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