Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
