So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
