not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
